Reasons You Might Be Coeliac (According to My Gut, Not My Doctor)

…a bread basket fills you with dread, not carbs.

Let’s Be Honest for a Minute

Coeliac disease isn’t just about avoiding toast. It’s an autoimmune condition that can cause absolute chaos in your body — but spotting it isn’t always easy.

Some signs are well-known. Others? Not so much. And some… well, they’re so oddly specific you’ll either laugh, cry, or mutter “yep, that’s me” under your breath.

Whether you’re already diagnosed, still waiting for answers, or just suspicious of gluten’s effect on your life, this list is for you.

You Might Be Coeliac If…

• You know where every public toilet is within a 10-mile radius.
  You’ve basically got the TripAdvisor for toilets running in your head at all times.
• You’ve left a party early because your stomach decided to play roulette.
  Spoiler: it wasn’t a winning hand.
• You’ve had more blood tests than hot dinners.
  And still got told, “It’s probably just stress” or “Try eating more fibre.”
• Your skin flares up when you even look at a croissant.
  Dermatitis herpetiformis: an itch so intense, even your rash has a vendetta.
• You get irrationally excited when a restaurant has a separate gluten-free fryer.
  Like, giddy child on Christmas morning levels of excitement.
• You’ve eaten a salad at McDonald’s while your mates are on Big Macs.
  You even smiled through it. You’re a hero. A hungry, slightly bitter hero.
• You’ve had to explain coeliac disease more times than you’ve had hot chips.
  And someone still replies with, “Oh, so it’s like a gluten allergy?”

• You’ve cried over cake.
  Either because you couldn’t have it… or because you finally found one you could.
• You now trust your gut — because it’s the first thing to betray you.
  It’s like a warning siren made of cramps, wind, and regret.
• Your idea of a wild night out is one where you don’t need Imodium.
  The bar is low. The stakes are high.
• You carry emergency snacks like a gluten-free squirrel.
  Because you know there’s a solid chance you’ll be left with nothing but disappointment and a mint.
• You’ve had flashbacks to being ‘glutened’ like it’s a war story.
  “Never forget that pub roast in 2019…”
• You feel seen when a stranger on the internet rants about cross-contamination.
  And you immediately want to be their friend.
• You’ve become a human lie detector for vague menu claims.
  “Gluten-free options available” is not the same as “safe for coeliacs,” Dave.
• You regularly mutter, “Why does gluten have to be in everything?”
  Bread? Sure. Soy sauce? Rude. Stickers on fruit? Now you’re just showing off.

So… Recognise Yourself?

If any of these hit a little too close to home, you’re definitely not alone.

Coeliac disease can be sneaky, confusing, and full of “that can’t possibly be related” moments. But if your gut’s been trying to tell you something — maybe it’s time to listen.

And if you’ve already got the official diagnosis? Welcome. We cry over cake together here.

Your Turn: Share the Chaos

Got your own “You might be coeliac if…” moment?
Drop it in the comments or tag me on Instagram: @the_gf_table.

I’ll be sharing the best (and most tragically relatable) ones all month for Coeliac Awareness.

Because sometimes, the only way to deal with coeliac disease… is to laugh at it.